The grey tie....

"Well you missed it....."  I have listened to those words my whole life.  It could be about a family member getting a new vehicle, kids riding four-wheelers, a visitor or just one of the many family members acting like a fool.  I will not hear those words in that tone of voice again.  It has been a very long week with my grandfather having an accident involving full thickness burns to around 40% of his body.  He gave everything he had to hang in there for a week and in the end his kidneys could not keep up with the demands placed upon them. 

It has been very hard.  All six grandchildren grew up across the road from him.  He was a part of out every day life.  A few moved a some miles away and I myself just recently returned home after living away for four years.  I am sad that we ever left our home across the street from him.  I know I missed a lot, but still saw him and talked at least once a week, but the last few months have been amazing talking over coffee in the mornings sitting in rocking chairs in the afternoon.  I am so thankful for the time we have had recently, but I am selfish and wish I had more time for those talks.   I miss the sound of his voice and the direction he would give me when I was worried about the simple things.  He always knew the answer. 

There are many stories to share that will be told and retold in our family.  Those are for us to use to remember him as well as continue to keep our large family close together, but I will tell my personal story of how I held it together though out his funeral service.  my husband was in need of a new tie, so after reading the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy I opted for a black and grey striped tie.  Looking at this tie throughout the day I would have a slight distraction thinking of potential uses.  I had to update one of my cousins on the plots in the books I had read, so we had our own little joke to get us through all of the public attention. 

The above tie will never be used for "kinky f@@@ery", but the crude thought kept me from being completely inconsolable in front of the many friends my grandfather had.  He will be greatly missed by many for his compassion and kind heart.  He always made me feel welcome in the home he built with his own hands.  I was more than welcome to come and go as I pleased and was never made to feel guilty for being too busy for a visit.  He was the most amazing man I have ever met along side my father that is like him in many ways.  He instilled strong values and love in his three boys, his six grandchildren and even in all nine great-grandchildren.  I am very proud to say that I see some of his character in my own six year old.  If my son grows up to become half the man he was, then I will be the proudest mother in the world.